I Fought The Floor (And The Floor Won)

requiem for the inebriated - I woke bright & early one midafternoon To hear the church bell sing its tyrannous tune & my poor head was howling as if at the moon I could tell from the taste it was sunday But something else stood between me and my snooze: A pain, throbbing out from a monstrous bruise & in its dark shadow I'm searching for clues To the mystery of my missing memory With no proof to go on, I'll hazard a guess: Did I fly to the aid of a maid in distress? I'd assess that the rescue was not a success But no matter, for that's not what happened, I'm sure Like some greasy street meal, i feel it come back the reason my features are all out of whack & my queasy defeat in a vicious attack In the ongoing war between me and the floor I fought the Floor with all of my face Like a stumbling angel that spirals from grace I fought the floor and the demons beneath When they came to claim payment of all my front teeth My chin for a shield and my nose for a sword I fought in the name of my single malt Lord & like a liquor-soaked Icarus, close to the sun I fought the Floor and the Floor won I fought the floor and the floor won Went out on the town with a song & a smile enjoying my vertical poise for a while My friends and I were by the night quite beguiled & we drank to our health with a whiskey or three That night, despite all being young, fit and able My fellows were fallen 'neath many a table & I, in my cups, felt a little unstable As gravity gradually grew upon me Well, it seemedso inviting upon my first glance I gazed on its contours and asked it to dance We'd romance just like the last tango in France but soon my new friend proved a villanous foe Now we were locked in a contest of will The ultimate battle of man versus hill I dodged and I weaved, and it just lay still setting me up for the finishing blow I fought the floor with all of my wits and it left my poor countenance lying in bits No one in my corner to throw in the towel and now I'm left scarred with a permanent scowl I thought I was fast, thought i could shoot first But the only shot heard was my lip when it burst Now i've hung up my gloves, and i've hung up my gun Cus I fought the floor, and the floor won I fought the floor, and the floor won Words & Music by JB Newman copyright JB Newman 2007